Hell Bent by Shannon Dare

character: Emily

gender: Female

age: any that can pull it off

style: Drama

length: 3 min

back round info: Emily is rambling about her father not really thinking about what she is saying.

monologue:

I remember when I was five, sitting in my fathers lap and holding on to my mother’s hand, listening to the church sermon. I don’t think a smile ever came off of my face then. I was so happy. (pause) I would give anything to go back to when I was five. The innocence, the pure joy in everything. I loved everything, and people would love me for just being cute. No one really cared what I did, as long as I stayed cute. I loved it. I was cute, so everybody loved me.

(pause, Remembering with a smile) I always wore one little spurt of hair on the side of my head. My dad called it the whup. (Laughing) I don’t know why. I think because it went, (gesturing with her hand) whup. (Laugh) We always made silly little jokes like that. Silly little things to keep us laughing. (Laugh) I haven’t said “silly” since, (pause) I don’t remember. (pause) When was the last time I even laughed? (Pause) I used to laugh all of the time. My dad would always do things to make me laugh. He told me it was in his “Dad description.” He had to make me laugh or he would be fired. So I laughed non-stop at every single thing he said. Every “pull my finger”, and stupid face. In my mind, he was absolutely hilarious.

I thought he would disapear if i ever stopped laughing. (pause) and, in a way, it was my way to show him that I loved him. It was my sign. (Pause, head down) But- but, I don’t think he understood what was happening when I got older. I stopped laughing, and he didn’t know why. But he kept on trying. He kept on trying to make jokes. But “pull my finger” just wasn’t hilarious anymore. (pause) I heard myself saying, “That’s stupid,” more and more. (pause) He never showed it, but I think I hurt him. Without the constant laughing, we had nothing anymore. We almost completely stopped talking to each other. What could we say? I was a stubborn teenager, I couldnt make it seem that I was remotley interested in anything. (pause)

And- it really hurt him. He thought that he had completely lost me. I guess he felt that he had failed. He was failing on his “dad description,” he would soon be fired, or disapear. He was losing his daughter. He must have been terrified. (long pause, thinking) I- I never thought of that before. He must have been terrified. (pause) I was a teenager, I am still… I couldnt- (pause, ashamed) He’s my daddy. (pause) He never failed… I did… I’m sorry Daddy…